It might have been a Tuezday night, but I know my beloved Philadelphia Flyers had just been eliminated from the playoffs again. Not a sore lozer but a heavy drinker, I had made up my mind that in the name of my team, I wuz gonna drink my bluez away. Turned out Vanilla Ice wuz doin' a show with Maestro Fresh Wes that same night, so I made a date with myself to take in the show. I wuz gonna represent Rock n' Roll at the Hip Hop show, and it wuz gonna make for a hell of an evening.

Not having eaten all day but drinking aplenty, I went for a bite to eat in a pub in the same building az the 'Vanilla Extravaganza'. I grabbed a seat at the bar, said my usual, "I'll have one of everything," and ordered the Wonder Burger. Shortly afterwards, a coupla tattoo'd ladz jostled up beside me and ordered some food az well. Turned out they were in Vanilla'z band, so I struck up a conversation.

I tried forcing alcohol upon them, but apparently they didn't do that before a gig. (we obviously weren't from the same side of the tracks) I managed to convince one of them to have a Jager with me and inturn he got me into the show for free. So far, so good.

We went into the club, and people I recognized from the bar I worked at were wavin' at me, but also surprized that I: the rock n' roller, wuz at a hip hop show. I just nodded, and lipped, "I'm with the band," az we went to a roped off area at the side of the stage. One of my high rollin' drug dealin' buddiez wuz hangin' there and he wuz sure az sh*t blown away when I showed up. By the end of the night, he musta bought me at least fifteen twenty dollar drinks. You know, the kind with four ouncez of vodka and a dash of juice.

The show went by in a blur of gooo, and I seem to recall quite enjoying it. We all wound up backstage afterwardz, and there wuz a gagle of underage girlz all around. I just kept boozin', with my handz to myself, got an autograph, then stumbled out the back door sometime later on. I made it home, don't know how? Don't remember anything after the show really, except the young girlz of course...

When I woke up in the morning, I wuz on my couch, in my boxer shorts and I had pissed myself! Amazingly enough though, my shorts were wet and all around the couch wuz wet, but my lovely orange velvet couch wuz az dry az could be. I musta bin The Divine Pee. Or I'd tried to pee on the ceiling. I dunno? Very bizarre. I scratched my head and grabbed the carpet cleaner. I wuz on my kneez scrubbin' the floor when I noticed my two cats lookin' at me like, "You stupid sh*t!"

I went to work later on that day, and everyone wuz eager to know about my first rap show. I wuz blatantly truthful, "Dood, I pissed myself and he didn't even play Informer!" They all laughed, and I said, "I know." Then they said, "No dumbass, Snow doez Informer, not Vanilla Ice!"


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